With an unpleasant face your partner says, “You didn’t do the dishes last night.”

This is a common enough phrase, right? It’s not really about the dishes! This is the primary communication, or what is said aloud. There’s more meaning to this statement than just what was said. When this meaning is openly discussed, your partner’s upset and concern can be fully addressed, allowing you both to move forward instead of repeating nasty patterns.

When your partner/spouse is frustrated that you didn’t do the dishes, it’s likely more meaningful than annoyance over a household chore.

Dirty dishes is a simple metaphor for day-to-day, mundane interactions within a couple that can be ripe for projections—making up a personal story and meaning for someone’s behavior.

A sink full of dirty dishes is trivial. It’s about what your not doing the dishes signifies for your partner. There are ways of communicating with your partner that can get to the bottom of issues faster and yield more self-understanding for both of you.